How I Got My Book Into an Actual Bookstore!

I cheated. Plain and simple.

Okay, maybe I just cheated a little bit. It’s not like I had a friend distract the shopkeeper (Do people still say ‘shopkeeper’?) while I shoved a stack of Blood in the Past paperbacks on a shelf between Gillian Flynn and Dean Koontz.

You see, I belong to a couple of local writing organizations and one of them recently gave me a job. Of sorts. You’re now reading the blog of the South Jersey Writers Group new Account Manager! Please hold your applause. As such, I’m in charge of stocking the local bookstores and cafes with the group’s anthologies and any other books published under their press company, Hypothetical Press. Last Saturday, the president of the group, Amy Hollinger, invited me to join her to have coffee and meet a couple of the vendors, in the hopes it would make the transition easier (meeting the vendors, not drinking coffee).

The first contact I met was the owner of The Book Asylum in Blackwood, NJ. Amy gave her spiel and the owner readily purchased five copies of the current anthology, Tall Tales & Short Stories, as well as five copies of a member’s book, What to Expect When You’re Dead.

I must admit, I was a little nervous to even bring up the fact that I had a few copies of Blood in the Past in my purse. After all, I’m not published under Hypothetical Press, I’m published under my own company, Blood Read Press. Plus, the shopkeeper (Yes, I’m sticking with this antiquated term for now.) had already shelled out quite a bit of money to pay for the other titles. But it turned out that the woman was very nice and we ended up staying to chat and we even tried to get a little writing done, which really only led to more chatting. Then a regular customer joined us and we were all having a merry ole time when the newcomer asked me what I was writing. I immediately pulled out a copy of Blood in the Past for her the flip through and, wouldn’t you know it, the shopkeeper (Stop judging me, it’s my new favorite term.) immediately asked if I wanted her to stock my book as well!

Over the moon, I handed her the other two copies in my purse and quickly decided the affiliate price would be $5/copy so she could sell them for $7 and make a little profit. Yay!

I know. It’s only two books. That’s all I had on me at the time, besides the one the customer was looking at that I’d hoped she’d buy, but didn’t. But it gets better. While discussing that I was working on the next installment in the series, she offered to host a new release signing in her store! Yippie! (Keep checking the Events page for details!)

I plan to drop off more copies in a month or so when I stop in to iron out the details of the signing, but it looks like it might be as simple as finding a friendly shopkeeper and talking up your work! I’m sure it also helped that I’d showered and dressed somewhat nicely, too.

If you plan on doing this with your own work, might I suggest the following:

  • Create a spreadsheet listing all the businesses you intend to visit. Include the name of the point of contact (AKA shopkeepers), phone number, address, email, and a running tally of how many books you last stocked them with, as well as whether or not they paid you in advance or on consignment.
  • If someone pays you for your books up front, write them up a receipt on the spot (I believe you can find receipt pads at any office supplies store) or email them one later THAT SAME DAY. Don’t dilly-dally because you don’t want them to forget about the transaction, delete the email because they have no idea what it pertains to, and then have no record of your arrangement.
  • Keep a folder where you store your copies of the receipts. You might need them to prove your arrangement to another worker in the store and you might even need them at tax time.
  • I didn’t have these at the time (It was snowing and there was only so much I could tuck safely into my purse), but I recommend creating a flyer about yourself and your work and having it on hand so the store can create more of a display and shoppers know they are supporting a local author. You might even want to invest in some upright plastic sign holders in case your books are going to be displayed on a shelf.
  • Be friendly! If you’re gonna walk in there like the grumpy starving artist we all know we can be sometimes, you’re probably not going to get anywhere. Just saying.

Now, before you guys head over to The Book Asylum in Blackwood, NJ and fight over those two copies of Blood in the Past, does anyone have any questions?

Why I Love My Kindle

I have seen dozens of articles and blog posts professing people’s love of print books. The smell of the binding, the feel of the pages, the general tangibility. But I haven’t really seen a whole lot of screaming from the mountaintops about e-readers, despite them being a growing phenomenon. Maybe it’s time I chime in.


  • I read SO much more now that I have a Kindle. Before I received a Kindle Fire for Christmas two years ago, I read, but not really. I don’t have the space for print books. I don’t have the disposable income to buy them all, even if I did have the space. And the library? They don’t always have what I want to read. When they do acquire a hot bestseller, someone else has borrowed it and I have to conjure up every ounce of patience in my soul to wait for it to be my damn turn to read it. Meanwhile, the first year I had my Kindle I read 75 books. The next year I read 59. That just wouldn’t have been possible without my Kindle.
  • If I finish a book while I’m out I can just start another one. One of my readers commented on my post listing the titles I’m most looking forward to this year. She stated that when she’d read Maze Runner she’d been on vacation and couldn’t get a hold of the next book in the series. I then shared with her the time I sat for jury duty, waiting for hours to see if I would be called. I finished the book I was reading and then promptly started a new one. Time flew by for me. For those who’d finished their newspapers, magazines, and print books? Not so much.
  • I don’t have to travel with a crap-ton of heavy books. Have you read Under the Dome by Stephen King? That thing is well over a thousand pages. Imagine sacrificing space in your purse or suitcase for the print copy of that gigantic tome. Not fun. But when I read it on my Kindle, I could bring it everywhere, without messing up the alignment of my spine.
  • I don’t have to go seek out the books I want. Before my Kindle, if there was something I really wanted to read, I had to go to the bookstore and look for it. If that bookstore didn’t have it, I had to have it ordered so I could pick it up later or go to another location entirely. I could order it myself online, but then I’d have to wait for it to be shipped. What a pain, no? Now, if I read an article about a new release or someone recommends a title to me, I simply pick up my Kindle and search for the damn thing. I can have the whole thing or just the sample in minutes.
  • E-books are cheaper (for the most part). Paperback books are often $10 or so. Hardbacks are normally twice that. Like I said, I just don’t have that kind of money lying around to buy every book I’d want to read. Especially not when its first released. I mean, I just read Dan Brown’s DaVinci Code last year. Why? Because when it came out it was more expensive than I would have liked. Now, are some ebooks still $10 or more? Yes. Stupid traditional publishers still price them that high, despite the low-cost of production, because they have so much overhead to cover. However, since I can read so many other books for far less than $10, I feel fine splurging every now and then on a pricier book.

So, which camp are you in? Pro-print or All-hail-e-reader?



Not a Review. Definitely a Rant.

When I worked at the bookstore, one of the most prominent authors on the mystery/suspense/thriller shelf was Ted Dekker. His titles were intriguing. His cover art even more so. So I used part of my Christmas Amazon money (yes, I ask for Amazon  gift cards every year) to buy the e-book omnibus edition of his Circle Series. From what I read it was a blend of two stories: a modern thriller story and a futuristic-yet-unwesternized-fantasy story. Cool concept, right? I certainly thought so. I should also mention that Ted Dekker is a Christian Fiction author. I usually don’t read Christian Fiction unless the reviews specifically say that the story is unbiased (aka not preachy). I did my due diligence on Mr Dekker and was satisfied that his books dealt with Good vs Evil. I said, I can live with that. Bring it on, Teddster. One last thing to point out and I’ll get to the rant, I promise. The Circle Series is made up of four books, Red, Black, White, Green. Green is the odd man out because you can read it at the beginning of the series or at the end. Hence, the “circle” concept. Man, this is gonna be good, I thought.



  • I started with Black. I liked the Thriller side of the story better that the over-beautified Fantasy side, but I still enjoyed the way the main character’s modern life intertwined with the Fantasy side through his dreams, which were really a portal between the two worlds. Not too shabby. I gave it 4* on Goodreads.
  • Next up was Red. I enjoyed it, but the metaphors and allegorical references to the Old and New Testaments began to be really OBVIOUS. Like elephant in the desert obvious. Like strip mall on Mars obvious. My own personal religious beliefs aside, I felt it was kind of a cop-out. The Bible is full of great stories and all Dekker did was steal from it and change a few things around. But I still gave it 4* on Goodreads.
  • Then I read White. UGH! Thomas Hunter’s (the main character) wife dies. A year later he’s head-over-heels-in-love-over-the-moon for the daughter of his enemy’s leader. I felt like 80% of the book involved him trying to get to this woman and being all about her and blah, blah, blah. I didn’t sign up for a Romance novel, Ted. You’re killing me. I gave it 3* on Goodreads..
  • I chose to read Green last. At this point I just wanted the series to be over. (I have this quirk about reading an entire book no matter how unhappy it makes me…and since I was already so invested in the story, I had to finish the damn series.) Vampires. All I have to say is vampires. A character is revealed to be the biblical version of vampires, nephilim, to be specific. I have no problem with vampires. But why now? It was just so random and really didn’t explain anything or further the plot along. It was like good ole Teddy just learned about the nephilim in his travels and was like, “Hey, this series I’m writing is pretty biblical. Let’s add some biblical-ass vampires. Bam!” Oh and there was more of the whole I-can’t-live-without-my-second-wife/first-wife-who? nonsense. Badly wanted to give this 2*, but gave it 3. Might still change it. I’m debating.

In the end I wasted the whole month of February and first week of March reading this series. I even stayed up until damn near 2am one night to finish the damn thing. Because I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Rant over. I feel better. Thanks.


Jerks & Irks XXXII: So Many Books!

Some of you may have guessed, correctly, that I don’t work at the bookstore anymore. I mean, how could I possibly when there hasn’t been a Jerks & Irks post for weeks, right? Well, that whole debacle is a long story. But you all are in luck! I thought of one final thing that irked me when I worked there!

When I sat behind the counter, hiding behind a stack of books to sneak some writing in, people would enter the store through the doors immediately to my right and left. Many times, as soon as they passed the threshold, they would exclaim, “Look at all the BOOKS!” This irked me to no end. There are only three justifications for such admiration of the amount of books in a bookstore:

  1. They are Martians who have heard of books but have never really seen so many books in one place, if at all.
  2. They are travelers from the future who have heard of books but come from an era dominated by electronic readers and so they have never really seen so many books in one place, if at all.
  3. They suffer from Benjamin Button syndrome and although they appear to be fully grown adults they are actually toddlers and have never really seen so many books in one place, if at all.
Call me nutso, but I fully expect a bargain bookstore to look like this.

Call me nutso, but I fully expect a bargain bookstore to look like this.

I’m sure none of these are true, however. So I’ve decided that from now on, I’m going to make similar proclamations when I enter stores. Such as:

  1. “Look at all the FOOD!” when I enter a grocery store.
  2. “Look at all the ANIMALS!” when I enter a pet store.
  3. “Look at all the DRUGS!” when I enter a pharmacy.(I might sound like a crack head with this one. Yikes!)
  4. “Look at all the CLOTHES!” when I enter a department store…
  5. Better yet, “Look at all the STORES!” when I enter the mall! (I would need the assistance of a bull horn for this one.)

The possibilities are endless. This could be fun…

High Five for Top Fives

Up top, guys! This year is freaking over! Whoo hooo! Let the champagne flow! Pass the jello shots! Because nothing says classy like champagne and jello shots!

And no end-of-the-year blog post is complete without the requisite Top Blah Blah Blah List. Here are several of mine:

Top Five JJE Posts (based on Views, Comments, & Likes)

  1. Getting Arrested for the Greater Good
  2. Murder & Mother-In-Laws
  3. What Not to Do on the Train…
  4. The Typos Aren’t Your Fault?
  5. Location, Location, Location

Top Five JJE Posts I Liked But No One Saw

  1. Research or Get Besmirched
  2. Like Reading a Schizophrenic’s Notes
  3. This “Sux!”
  4. Who Wears Short Shorts?
  5. The Next Big Thing (Ok, this one’s a shameless plug. Don’t judge me, my books come out in 2013. TeeHee)

Top Five Weird-A$$ Search Terms That Brought People Here

  1. “baster brain” & “bald slavegirl fantasy” (That’s a tie, sorry)
  2. “fiction stories don’t beat me”
  3. “wave bum”
  4. “you’re welcome, it was a pleasure, hope you didn’t destroy your keyboard”
  5. “I’m not the same person please go away”
  6. BONUS *anytime someone searched for “jordanna east” or any derivative thereof* (That happened ELEVEN times!)

Top Five Books I Read This Year

  1. The Hunger Games Trilogy (Duh)
  2. The Pine Deep Trilogy by Jonathan Maberry
  3. The Hangman’s Daughter by Oliver Potzsch
  4. The King’s X by Stephen T. Harper
  5. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith

Top Five Things I Look Forward to in 2013

  1. Typing up my Prequel, Blood in the Past, and submitting it to beta readers, editor, etc. Publishing it via Blood Read Press
  2. Getting my finished book covers from the amazingly talented Kit Foster
  3. Revising my full-length novel, Blood in the Paint, and submitting it to beta readers, editor, etc. Publishing it via Blood Read Press
  4. Starting the second full-length novel in the series (and the research for it!)
  5. A much deserved SPA DAY and a VACATION!

I just want to get all sappy for a moment and thank everyone for following me here, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, etc. For being interested in me and my silly dream. For asking about my books. For laughing at my bookstore horror stories. I value your encouragement in same way I value cute kittens, funny-looking chickens, and anything made of chocolate. Happy New Year!

Jerks & Irks XXIX: Holiday Specifics & Other Important Stuff

Happy Monday, everyone. As happy as it could be, I guess. The tragedy that unfolded over the weekend devastated American citizens and broke hearts the world over. That’s why, I’d like to begin by providing the mailing address to Sandy Hook Elementary School:

Sandy Hook Elementary School

12 Dickenson Drive

Newtown, CT 06482

At a time like this, there is a little we can do. It’s not like a natural disaster where we can donate to the Red Cross or organize canned food drives. I’m not a mother but I imagine there is no greater pain than losing a child, especially so young, especially due to such senseless violence. If you haven’t already, please send out a card of condolences. Imagine the magnitude of solidarity the community of Newtown, CT will feel when they receive cards from people all over the country/world.


Like I said, there’s little we can do. But the least I could do (besides sending out my card) is make you guys laugh a little with a few tales from the dreaded bookstore job. Without further ado:

Jerks & Irks XXIX: Holiday Specifics

I haven’t worked retail during the holidays in many years. Most of my jobs have been serving/bartending at various restaurants. Most of the customers are annoying in the same ways all year-long, regardless of the season. And usually you get an uptick in tips nice customers around the holidays. Bonus! But I digress… So, the last time I worked retail during this supposedly cheery season was a men’s suit store. I excelled there. Even won a company award for sales and customer service. I could really dress a real-life Ken doll back then. But when the holidays arrived, the customers weren’t always men. They were mothers, wives, and sisters of men. Women who had no idea what they were doing. They would ask for a sport coat, I would ask how tall/broad their gift recipient was, and receive an answer like, “Bigger than you, I think.” Well no shit, lady, I’m a 16-year-old cheerleader. And that’s how the season went. And some time after Kwanzaa (December 26th) there would be a line out the door of men trying to return items that would be ‘big on me.’ I think…

Now there’s the bookstore. If people at the men’s suit store were vague, the people at the bookstore are miles away, on the opposite side of the spectrum. People wander in. They know Aunt Suzie likes Lincoln and shoes. “Excuse me, do you have any books about Lincoln’s shoes?” Cue blank stare from me. They know Uncle Jed has a tattoo of the Hindu god Ganesha. “Excuse me, do you have any books about the Ganesha? The elephant god with the flower in his hand?” Cue me showing them a book about all the hindu gods, followed by their subsequent annoyance. They know Grandma Lucy’s on an Israeli cous cous kick. “Excuse me, do you have any Israeli cous cous cookbooks?” Cue my face brightening as I remember a book entitled ‘Rice, Pasta, and Cous Cous. ‘Also cue their disappointment and snarky remark about Israeli cous cous not being included in any of the recipes. Then cue me trying not to pummel them with the book in an effort to ground them into Israeli cous cous.


And so on and mother$*#^ing so forth…These are exaggerations, of course. Except for the cous cous incident. That one actually happened. But, seriously, it’s just not that kind of store. It’s a bargain bookstore. And even if it were Barnes and Noble, I doubt these inane requests could be fulfilled. Cue exasperated sigh.

Oh well. In other news, the Sizzling Winter Blog Hop and Treasure Hunt officially ended on December 16th. And this winner is….(I was going to say “cue drumroll,” but I think I overdid it with the cues already, haha) Becky VanGinkel!!! Congratulations Becky! You’ve won a fantabulous canvas tote bag with my Jordanna East logo! Can’t wait for my face to help you carry all your stuff!

That’s one good lookin’ gal on there!

Jerks & Irks XXVII: Why I Hate My Job This Week

I hope My Fellow Americans (said in my presidential-state-of-the-union-address voice) all enjoyed their Thanksgiving holiday. I did, thanks to good friends, good food, and lots of wine.

But the days leading up to Thanksgiving? Not so much.

And the days following Thanksgiving? Not even close.

Why? Because my Hubby-pants and I haven’t won the lottery yet and I have to work at a ridiculously stupid bookstore in order to pay for things like editing and to feed my notebook-buying fetish. Most of the time it’s not that bad. I usually work alone. I stand some books up on the counter, hide behind them, and write furiously in my notebook or type away on my netbook. I was really gaining momentum and even had a little schedule going in my head: Mondays I would write the next few chapter outlines/rough drafts in my journal, I would type them up on my days off(Tue, Wed, Thur), handwrite some more on Friday, and type that up on Saturday. Easy-peezy. But all that has changed…

Recently, we’ve been inundated with shipments of books. Thousands and thousands of old, outdated, books. Books that I have to put away. I’m always scheduled with other people. More hands are better than two when it comes to putting away mountains of books, I guess. And I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m pretty sure my coworkers wouldn’t be too keen on me hiding behind some books and writing while they toil away with the heavy, dusty boxes. Just a hunch I have.

So, I haven’t written anything new in about a week. My face is twitching. I’m lonely and withdrawn without my beloved characters and chapter-ending cliffhangers. The deadline countdown on my phone is ticking away and I’m getting cranky. So I made this list of Pros and Cons to try to balance out my feelings so I don’t kill people just to have some writing time in prison.


  • I can pay editor, graphic designer, go to conferences, etc
  • I can have the books I want (when I can find something at the Bargain Book Warehouse worth reading)
  • I can have all the notebooks I want


  • I can’t write anymore (major CON here)
  • The customers are stupid and annoying
  • My coworkers are stupid and annoying (haven’t written a post about them yet)
  • My pseudo-boss Sandra is stupid and annoying
  • I keep hurting my back
  • My hands are always dirty
  • Seriously, my back always hurts
  • It’s cold
  • When it’s busy I can’t get to the back of the store to pee or make tea to keep me warm. So I’m stuck up front, not writing, shivering, and doing the pee-pee-dance. Good times.

Okay, way more Cons than Pros. So much for balancing…

How do you feel about your job this week?

Jerks & Irks XXVI: My Pseudo-Boss Sandra

At my soul-sucking life-enriching job at the bookstore, I have a pseudo-boss. A Pseudo-boss is an individual who has been employed there since the beginning of time, takes the job more seriously than necessary, and unfortunately has the right to tell you what to do. The “pseudo” part comes in because this individual holds the same title as you and makes the same hourly wage. A pseudo-boss. We’ll call my pseudo-boss “Sandra.” Not because we’re in the business of protecting her identity, but because she prefers to be called Sandy and I really want to stick it to her sometimes.

Sandra has many annoying aspects to her personality. I could start a whole separate blog and dedicate it to her. But I’m not going to do that. I’m in the middle of stuff, too, you know. I don’t have all the time in the world to blog about Sandra. But right now, I will. Right now I will tell you how irksome it is that she wants to THROW OUT any and all books whose subject matter she doesn’t agree with. Consider this lengthy list:

  • S-E-X, or as she calls them, “Naughty Books.” Before I was hired she kept all the “Naughty Books” (kama sutra, helpful sex tips, how to make your own sex toys, etc) in the store-room. Then our actual boss, who only calls in every once in a while (kinda like Charlie’s Angels), made her put them out. So she piled them on the floor…in front of the Emergency Fire Exit. Obviously, the Fire Inspector took issue with this. I was assigned to designate a special area for them..because heaven forbid she had to touch them herself.
  • Wicca. We came across a singular Wiccan book with some common “spells” in it, for good energy and whatnot. Pseudo-boss Sandra ordered me to throw it out. I thought she was joking. She was not.
  • More Wicca. When digging through the pile of “Naughty Books,” I found a stack of books entitled Witches. It chronicles the perception of witches through the ages, from old, ugly hags to the beautiful women of white magic. Illustrated. Informative. I bought one for research for a future series. Pseudo-boss Sandra was astonished. I wouldn’t be surprised if she crosses herself behind my back now.
  • Anything about Gay People. I found a few copies of an award-winning anthology of gay fiction short stories shoved behind the “Naughty Books.” They were not erotic in any way, but because she disagrees with homosexuality, they received the naughty treatment. For Shame! (I put them on the bookshelf with the rest of the fiction.)
  • Gag Gifts. We have a rather large gift table full of things like post cards, journals, tiny books with cute pictures of wet cats and dogs doing yoga, etc. Every now and again we receive some weird gag gifts. For example, a tin labeled “How to Lose Your Virginity.” Inside are funny cards of geeky things to stop doing so one day you’ll get laid. With each arrival of such items, I have to persuade her to put them out. Begging, pleading, and sighing are involved with every exchange.
  • Nudity of any kind, no matter how tasteful. We received Fifty Years of Playboy, a beautiful book cataloguing the most famous centerfolds. Only one topless photo. She wanted to put it in the mother-fricking “Naughty Books” section. For the love of god, woman! It goes in the entertainment section! I’ve had to rescue the poor tome several times now. There was also a photography book that came in, Fed-Ex’ed to us from the Charlie’s Angels voice. Obviously he wanted it to be included in the inventory. While the famous Brooklyn photographer (who owns a gallery in NYC) takes beautiful portraits, some of them were rather risqué. She shoved it behind a bookshelf. Actually BEHIND a bookshelf. (I put it out on the counter. New Yorkers unite!)

I’m sure I could think of a few more examples (Graphic Novels comes to mind right now as I start to wrap this up), but there’s no time. I have to get back to writing. I’m so close to finishing!

Also, don’t forget to enter the contest to win a FREE tote bag! The offer expires December 16th and there’s all sorts of other prizes. Good luck!


Jerks & Irks XXV: The Bargain Whisperer

As you all might know by now, I work part-time in a bookstore. It pays the self-publishing bills… And provides ample fodder for this particular series of my blog.

This past weekend was especially trying as I was forced to actually work instead of hide in the store-room/behind stacks of books to write. Which means I had to deal with customers a little more than usual. Customers such as the Bargain Whisperer. This old man crept up to the counter, one finger over his lips in a shushing gesture, and then the following conversation took place:

Bargain Whisperer: Psst! The other store has a book for $2 that you have for $4.

Me: (also whispering) Okay…

Bargain Whisperer: It’s cheaper there.

Me: So go there.

Bargain Whisperer: I just came from there.

Me: So go back.

Bargain Whisperer: Why is it cheaper there?

Me: *sighing loudly* Each store is responsible for setting its own prices. We have some items that are cheaper here than they are there and vice versa. We each mark things down as we see fit to move the products.

Bargain Whisperer: (still whispering) When is the next 50% off sale?

Me: We usually don’t know until the day before.

Bargain Whisperer: But it’s in the paper.

Me: I don’t know anything about that. Maybe the owner puts it in the paper. But I assure you we as employees don’t know until the weekend of the sale.

Bargain Whisperer: You know. Is that so you have time to mark all the books higher?

Me: Sir, I don’t know what kind of Bargain Book Warehouse conspiracy scandal you think we’re operating but it would take us weeks to manually change the prices on all the books in the store.

Bargain Whisperer: I’m whispering because I don’t want anyone to hear…

Me: I don’t care if anyone hears.

Bargain Whisperer: So you’ll tell me the truth.

Me: I am telling you the truth.

Bargain Whisperer: Why are you being so curt? I’m not angry.

Me: No, but you’re annoying me.

Yes. I told this poor, elderly, whispering chap that he was annoying me. I never claimed to possess an exemplary set of people skills. But you know what I do possess? This fabulous tote bag:

Click the image to be whisked away to my previous post where you can win said fabulous tote bag. Or you can go here: a Rafflecopter giveaway

You have until December 16th and I will be adding this reminder every Monday until then. Good luck!

A Bit of Naughty Marketing, Anyone?

No, I don’t mean “naughty” like I went to a nude beach and read from my WIP with a bull horn. But on the morning we left the vacation house (this is the absolute last time I’m going to mention my vacation, promise), we scoured each room on each floor for our belongings and a lightbulb went off in my head. Keep reading.

When we first arrived, we investigated all the nooks and crannies. Drawers, closets, cabinets, etc. Other renter-people will probably go through the same rigmarole. Add to this the fact that I have to get rid of my current stock of business cards (so I can order new and improved ones) and VOILA! Instant Hide-a-Card game. I pulled the stack of cards from my purse and proceeded to put one in each of the previously mentioned drawers, closets, and cabinets. I put one between the plates in the kitchen. One on the glasses rack of the wet bar. One in the DVD player. Yep, right in the drawer. One in the tissue box in the bathroom. And one in a framed picture of a starfish that had the same color scheme as my business card, allowing it to blend in, but not really. Subliminal marketing. That’s right. Be impressed.

The experience has left my mind overwhelmed with possibilities! I work in a bookstore. I can stick my business cards in all the books within my genre! I can stick my cards in Snooki’s book because obviously the reader doesn’t know what she’s doing when it comes to choosing decent reading material! Oh my stars, there’s even an email list on the counter next to the register that just screams to be a part of my planned press release! The sky’s the limit!

Speaking of the sky, would it be too much to hire a sky-writer who also rains my business cards down on the world from above?

This obviously has nothing to do with my novel, but I figure it’ll grab people’s attention. (image courtesy of

Anyway, anyone else have any naughty marketing ideas, regardless of how inappropriate?