Jerks & Irks LXIV: Where’s My Easy Button?!?

The other day I went to the office supply store, Staples. I’ve been to this specific location several times and I hate to say that my experiences haven’t always been pleasurable. I don’t know why I keep going there, but the other day was just as disappointing.

I had three author events last week and all I needed was to print an “Enter to Win” sign I’d made to raffle off a signed paperback copy of Blood in the Paint (since I don’t have the paperback version yet) and a few pages of raffle tickets. Should have been easy-peasy. But it wasn’t.

I entered the store and headed straight for the do-it-yourself printers. I scanned my membership card, inserted my business debit card, and selected the first file from my USB flash drive. The damn machine took almost 7 minutes to tell me that the loading of the preview image had taken too long. Well, no $hit! It had been SEVEN MINUTES! I could have used an Easy Button just then…

So I moseyed on over to the print desk. The man who usually works in this area is 103 years old and I’m surprised he doesn’t think computers are the devil and will steal his ancient soul. (In case you’re wondering, yes, he’s the reason why I originally went to the do-it-yourself area.) Let’s call him Whitey. Not because he’s Caucasian, but because his hair is as white and blinding as snow in the sun. His presence alone justifies an Easy Button, but let’s move on…

Whitey was busy with another customer. Said customer was trying to print a list of several names, in large font, on one sheet of paper. The font said customer wanted was like size 72 or something, and, as one would expect, the last name wouldn’t fit. It would print out on a separate piece of paper. But said customer didn’t want to pay for two sheets of paper. Heaven forbid he should pay the extra TEN CENTS to accommodate his size 72 freaking font. I was forced to stand beside him, thrumming my fingers on the counter, wondering where my Easy Button was…

While I waited, I noticed two employees to the right of the print desk, behind a “tech” desk, just shooting the $hit. I know it’s not their area, but I’m willing to bet anyone behind a “tech” desk knows how to pull up a file from a flash drive and print it out. It would have been nice if one of those fellas would have asked if I needed help. There was also a store manager chatting with her associates up front. She could have helped me out. But she didn’t. Maybe if I’d had an Easy Button…

FINALLY, Whitey told the customer how the universe works, told him that the last name would have to print on a second sheet of paper if the font were enlarged so much. The customer walked off in a huff to complete the rest of his shopping and Whitey was able to get to my project. For a second, one glorious second, I thought I was no longer in need of an Easy Button. I was wrong…

Whitey printed out my files. But he accidentally printed them out on better quality paper. At this point, I had been in Staples for almost thirty minutes. I think I actually felt a few new gray hairs sprout from my scalp. As such, I offered to pay whatever the better quality paper cost. It wasn’t card stock for heaven’s sake; how much could it be? (And for the love of everything sacred and holy, where was my EASY BUTTON???) But Whitey refused, seeming flustered by the mishap. He insisted on reprinting my files on the regular paper I had requested, which took so much longer because he was too old to remember the names of the files (because “Enter to Win” and “Enter to Win 2” were not the helpful file names I had meant them to be), and I had to shout the file names several times before he heard/understood me. Guys, I would have given anything for an Easy Button…

So, have any of you lovely readers experienced any shopping nightmares recently?

How I Got My Book Into an Actual Bookstore!

I cheated. Plain and simple.

Okay, maybe I just cheated a little bit. It’s not like I had a friend distract the shopkeeper (Do people still say ‘shopkeeper’?) while I shoved a stack of Blood in the Past paperbacks on a shelf between Gillian Flynn and Dean Koontz.

You see, I belong to a couple of local writing organizations and one of them recently gave me a job. Of sorts. You’re now reading the blog of the South Jersey Writers Group new Account Manager! Please hold your applause. As such, I’m in charge of stocking the local bookstores and cafes with the group’s anthologies and any other books published under their press company, Hypothetical Press. Last Saturday, the president of the group, Amy Hollinger, invited me to join her to have coffee and meet a couple of the vendors, in the hopes it would make the transition easier (meeting the vendors, not drinking coffee).

The first contact I met was the owner of The Book Asylum in Blackwood, NJ. Amy gave her spiel and the owner readily purchased five copies of the current anthology, Tall Tales & Short Stories, as well as five copies of a member’s book, What to Expect When You’re Dead.

I must admit, I was a little nervous to even bring up the fact that I had a few copies of Blood in the Past in my purse. After all, I’m not published under Hypothetical Press, I’m published under my own company, Blood Read Press. Plus, the shopkeeper (Yes, I’m sticking with this antiquated term for now.) had already shelled out quite a bit of money to pay for the other titles. But it turned out that the woman was very nice and we ended up staying to chat and we even tried to get a little writing done, which really only led to more chatting. Then a regular customer joined us and we were all having a merry ole time when the newcomer asked me what I was writing. I immediately pulled out a copy of Blood in the Past for her the flip through and, wouldn’t you know it, the shopkeeper (Stop judging me, it’s my new favorite term.) immediately asked if I wanted her to stock my book as well!

Over the moon, I handed her the other two copies in my purse and quickly decided the affiliate price would be $5/copy so she could sell them for $7 and make a little profit. Yay!

I know. It’s only two books. That’s all I had on me at the time, besides the one the customer was looking at that I’d hoped she’d buy, but didn’t. But it gets better. While discussing that I was working on the next installment in the series, she offered to host a new release signing in her store! Yippie! (Keep checking the Events page for details!)

I plan to drop off more copies in a month or so when I stop in to iron out the details of the signing, but it looks like it might be as simple as finding a friendly shopkeeper and talking up your work! I’m sure it also helped that I’d showered and dressed somewhat nicely, too.

If you plan on doing this with your own work, might I suggest the following:

• Create a spreadsheet listing all the businesses you intend to visit. Include the name of the point of contact (AKA shopkeepers), phone number, address, email, and a running tally of how many books you last stocked them with, as well as whether or not they paid you in advance or on consignment.
• If someone pays you for your books up front, write them up a receipt on the spot (I believe you can find receipt pads at any office supplies store) or email them one later THAT SAME DAY. Don’t dilly-dally because you don’t want them to forget about the transaction, delete the email because they have no idea what it pertains to, and then have no record of your arrangement.
• Keep a folder where you store your copies of the receipts. You might need them to prove your arrangement to another worker in the store and you might even need them at tax time.
• I didn’t have these at the time (It was snowing and there was only so much I could tuck safely into my purse), but I recommend creating a flyer about yourself and your work and having it on hand so the store can create more of a display and shoppers know they are supporting a local author. You might even want to invest in some upright plastic sign holders in case your books are going to be displayed on a shelf.
• Be friendly! If you’re gonna walk in there like the grumpy starving artist we all know we can be sometimes, you’re probably not going to get anywhere. Just saying.

Now, before you guys head over to The Book Asylum in Blackwood, NJ and fight over those two copies of Blood in the Past, does anyone have any questions?

What I Learned About Author Events: Part 3

Many of you will remember that Blood in the Past was originally available in e-book only. Then something strange happened. Friends and family and acquaintances and random people from high school were asking for a print version. I started to realize that even though my own Kindle is never more than seven inches from me and much of the population has embraced digital reading, there’s still a substantial chunk of readers that prefer holding actual dead trees in their hands. And I was neglecting them. And that wasn’t all. I belong to two local writing groups and they often organize signings and author panels. Not having a print version of my books to sell at those events put me at a disadvantage.

So in September I made Blood in the Past available in paperback and in October I had three, count ’em THREE, author events. Two weeks ago I discussed my very first event. Last week, I discussed protecting your display from the elements. Today I’ll discuss my third event and what I learned from it. (This will be the final piece in the three-part series. Thank you for joining me as I shared my experiences.)

My third event was the Autumn Authors Fair at A Novel Idea. A Novel Idea is an adorable little bookstore within an Amish Marketplace in Vineland, NJ. The South Jersey Authors Group was there promoting its anthology, Tall Tales and Short Stories, and there were probably a dozen other authors selling their books and merchandise. We weren’t actually set up inside A Novel Idea, but rather our tables were arranged in a rectangle in the lobby of the marketplace so us authors could attack approach shoppers from all sides. I had my own space for this one and I pulled out all the stops. The day before I worked tirelessly to create an eye-catching excerpt from Blood in the Past and had it printed out on a standing 11×17″ board. Coupled with the marbles I’d bought to weigh down my tablecloths at future outdoor events (but they were too pretty not to use ASAP) and my little corner was hard to miss! I sold six books, my last three charm bookmarks, and SO many syringe pens (over a dozen definitely, but I lost count)! I had learned a lot during the previous two events, so I was pretty prepared. Let’s see how I did:

• It was a bit chilly, so I wore a tight, black turtleneck, but I made sure I could push the sleeves up if the temperature warmed up. I also brought a large bottle of water and something to nibble on. I took care of myself. Yay!
• I finally got to an event early enough to really set up my display nicely. I now have three standing signs. The one I discussed above, with the excerpt from Blood in the Past, was a big hit. I choose a particularly eerie passage and the black, red, and white hues were attention-grabbing. The other sign is actually a flyer with a bio that specifies I’m a local author which is important for these events. Even though all the authors there are usually local, when people spot that in writing, they seem more interested. The third is a smaller sign, simple. It spins, oscillating between Blood in the Past‘s front and back cover. When Blood in the Paint‘s cover is ready (by the way, did you see the release date countdown over there on the right!), I’ll change it to a COMING SOON display. I also spread out the syringe pens that I bought wholesale from Amazon and the bookmarks that I purchased custom from two different vendors on Facebook. After I added the marbles and the other fancy weights I’d purchased, my area was downright snazzy!
• You’ll recall I had been terrible at talking to customers. Well, at this event, I rocked. When people showed interest in the syringes, I made sure they knew they were pens that wrote in red ink. Then I let them know the other items were bookmarks. (Apparently that wasn’t obvious to ANYONE. The next time I order some I’ll have to remember to take one out of the package and actually place it inside of a book and put that on display.) And I quickly realized that saying my books were “Psychological Thrillers” wasn’t enough. You’d be surprised how many people don’t know what the hell that means. So, I would start with that, then ask if they’ve read Gillian Flynn’s Gone Girl or if they’ve read/seen Dexter. I even threw in a few other popular television shows like Criminal Minds and Law & Order: SVU. It definitely worked. Once one of those things struck a chord of recognition, I went on to tie it in with my book. Twisted female protagonist/antagonist (Gone Girl), told from the POV of the serial killer as they deal with their demons (Dexter), etc. Toward the end of the day, I had an iron-clad pitch that worked well with customers. All I need to do now is work on a quick one-sentence tagline that applies directly to my book. The author seated next to me had one (she was a children’s author), and I envied her a little. Teehee.
• So what did I learn? As you can see, I didn’t really learn much from this outing. Technically, I applied what I’d learned previously and did quite well. I’m so proud of myself!

What I Learned About Author Events: Part 2

Many of you will remember that Blood in the Past was originally available in e-book only. Then something strange happened. Friends and family and acquaintances and Hubby-pants’ coworkers were asking for a print version. I started to realize that even though my own Kindle is never more than seven inches from me and much of the population has embraced digital reading, there’s still a substantial chunk of readers that prefer holding actual dead trees in their hands. And I was neglecting them. And that wasn’t all. I belong to two local writing groups and they often organize signings and author panels. Not having a print version of my books to sell at those events put me at a disadvantage.

So in September I made Blood in the Past available in paperback and in October I had three, count ’em THREE, author events. Last week I discussed my very first event. Today I’ll discuss the second event, what a train wreck it was, and what I learned from it. (This will be a three-part series as I share my experiences regarding each event.)

My second event, the week after the Collingswood Book Festival, was the Witches Ball. You may remember my experience with the Witches Ball from a recent Jerks & Irks post. If you missed that post, you can go back and read all about the minutiae of that annoying ass day. Be my guest. But don’t get me wrong–the opportunity itself was great and I’d love to do it again next year. The Witches Ball is a Halloween-themed Festival, geared toward adults, with musicians, a beer garden, and vendors of all kinds. It’s an event designed for people drawn to the macabre, so writers of thrillers and horror fit right in. The best part about it is that it is NOT an author event. Let me explain…As an author, you have to think outside the box and think of yourself as a craftsman, as a vendor. The author I shared space with sold vampire fiction and between her books and my own psychological thrillers, we had a lot of people stop by our tables. And I’m pretty sure we were the only authors there. Unfortunately the weather was just shy of awful and I was only there about two hours and only sold two books. But let’s see what I learned:

• The Witches Ball is an outdoor event and the weather looked unfavorable. There was talk it would be postponed to the following weekend, so I dragged my feet preparing my box of wares and printing out my vendor instructions and parking pass until the last possible moment. FYI the turnout for postponed events is usually far less than that of the original date, so event hosts will hardly ever postpone if they can help it. I learned this later, so plan on the event taking place. Also, print out any relevant information the moment you receive it because I accidentally deleted the email with the vendor instructions and parking pass (see the aforementioned Jerks & Irks post) and it kind of ruined my life.
• Last week, I said to remember to take care of yourself in terms of the weather? This week I learned you have to prepare to take care of your merchandise in terms of the weather. It was very windy and after a while it started to mist and drizzle. This was the first event where I had to provide my own table and display. I brought a card table and a cheap plastic tablecloth, but as soon as I got there, the wind prevented me from even laying the tablecloth down. So that’s one thing I learned: spring for a heavier tablecloth and/or bring tape. Hubby-pants suggested buying clamps of some kind. I don’t have any more outdoor events until next year, but that’s something to look into.
• After I managed to tame my tablecloth, the wind disrupted everything on top of the table. My standing signs, my business cards, the decorative throw cloth I bought to disguise the cheap plastic tablecloth. Even my stacks of books, since they’re so lightweight. It was a mess. When I managed to steal a few peeks at the author I was with, her table was adorned with decorated paperweights and those marbles fancy people put in vases. I’ve already bought some of those and they look really nice even at indoor events where they’re not needed. I might also invest in a banner that lays flat on the table to take the place of my standing signs, in the event of another windy day.
• Did I mentioned that it rained? I need a tent. ‘Nuff said. (I’m saving for one.)
• One other thing I forgot to mention was that the Witches Ball was held at night. Halloween, geared toward adults and the macabre…you might have guessed that. But if you’re selling BOOKS at night, and people need to READ the back covers, and SEE your other merchandise, you should probably have some artificial light on your table. Again, I was forced to check out my fellow author’s table. She’d been to the event before and had several battery-operated lanterns and tiny-tap-lights she’d bought at the dollar store. I don’t know when I’ll have another outdoor event at night, but I’ll definitely keep my eye out for something that matches my current display.
• Finally, I want to talk about interaction. Last week I spoke about how terrified I was to talk to anyone about my book, which probably hurt my sales. At the Witches Ball, Kristen, my fellow author and vendor-space-mate, helped bring me out of my shell a little bit. Her table was quite elaborate and attracted a lot of attention (as did her costume and candy), and she was always kind enough to mention me and my books, the genre, etc, while ushering people to my table. She would even ask me questions to get me talking in front of the potential readers, even if they were the same questions over and over in front of each new group of people. Once people got to my table, I felt a little more comfortable talking to them, since I had been “introduced.”
• So what did I learn? Always prepare for the show to go on. Always print out any relevant documents right away. Always prepare for the weather and time of day in every way imaginable. And just like last week, customer interaction is key. The people I spoke the most to, bought books, even though I was cold, wet, and my wig was crooked. Refer to the picture below. 😛

What I Learned About Author Events: Part 1

Many of you will remember that Blood in the Past was originally available in ebook only. Then something strange happened. Friends and family and acquaintances and random people on Twitter (okay, that was only one person) were asking for a print version. I started to realize that even though my own Kindle is never more than seven inches from me and much of the population has embraced digital reading, there’s still a substantial chunk of readers that prefer holding actual dead trees in their hands. And I was neglecting them. And that wasn’t all. I belong to two local writing groups and they often organize signings and author panels. Not having a print version of my books to sell at those events put me at a disadvantage.

So in September I made Blood in the Past available in paperback and in October I had three, count ’em THREE, author events. Today I’ll discuss the first event, how I handled myself, and what I learned from it. (This will be a three-part series as I share my experiences regarding each event.)

The first event was my town’s Book Festival. My town is small and cute and quaint and they often shut down the main street for fairs and stuff. From what I’m told, the Book Festival started off as a very pitiful affair and has grown to be the big deal that it’s been in recent years, so I was excited to take part. The South Jersey Writers Group bought a space to recruit new members as well as promote their anthology, Small Tales and Short Stories (written by members), and they were generous enough to open up their space up to members who had their own works to promote. Here’s the run down:

• I got there a few minutes before the festival started, thinking I was early. All I had to do was put a sign and a stack of books on a table, right? Wrong. Everyone was already there and all the good seats under the tent were taken. Bummer.
• I sat in the sun, not under the tent. I wasn’t prepared for the unseasonably hot autumn day. I should have brought a hat, worn sunblock, had sunglasses, etc. I even had to borrow a scrunchie from my Hubby-pants (he has long, flowing hair now) because I wore my stupid, curly hair down. I had been so busy worrying about my books and my business cards before I left the house, that I forgot to take care of myself. I can’t let that happen again.
• The SJWG had two tables. The one under the tent was where their anthology and the members’ books were displayed. The other table was where the sign-up sheet for new members was laid out. I spent most of my time there, as those were the seats that were most frequently rotated. I suppose this is advice for the group, but I think the anthology would have been more useful on the table with the sign-ups, as a recruiting tool. At least a few of them. Also, SJWG had a couple of members out in front of the tables to try to flag people down and draw them to the tables. My husband was out across the way and he said that those members were actually blocking the tables from view and when passersby couldn’t see what the table was about (be it ours or the ones on either side of us), they kept it moving. The “hype man” concept may have seemed like a good idea (it certainly did to me from behind the table), but it actually ended up hurting us. I’ll remember that for next year when I have my own table.
• This was the event where I learned just how terrified I am of talking to strangers about my book. I eventually worked up the nerve to talk to people about joining the group (and I got very good at that), but when a spot opened up to sit behind MY OWN BOOKS at the other table, I balked. Pathetic, I know. But I did watch as one author in particular would engage people when they picked up his book. All he would say was, “It’s a political thriller.” Not much. Simple, did the trick. I made a note of it.
• I sold fifteen books at this event (some were after the fact, after we’d broken the tables down, on my way home), but only three to strangers. A lot of my friends and a few of Hubby-pants’ coworkers purchased books which was awesome, but one of the other authors, a professor at Rutgers University, outsold me (he was the only one to do so). Granted a lot of his students visited, but he stood up, he interacted, and he was generally a likable character. (He also had an affable British accent that I couldn’t compete with.) Who knows how many strangers he sold to.
• So what did I learn? I need to get there early if I’m sharing a table. To prepare not only my box of wares, but to prepare myself for the day ahead. I learned a little about how to set up the display and how to run the table. And most importantly, I learned that interaction with the customer is key.

Did you enjoy this post? Be sure to check out Part 2 and Part 3 of the series!