Jerks & Irks XXVI: My Pseudo-Boss Sandra

At my soul-sucking life-enriching job at the bookstore, I have a pseudo-boss. A Pseudo-boss is an individual who has been employed there since the beginning of time, takes the job more seriously than necessary, and unfortunately has the right to tell you what to do. The “pseudo” part comes in because this individual holds the same title as you and makes the same hourly wage. A pseudo-boss. We’ll call my pseudo-boss “Sandra.” Not because we’re in the business of protecting her identity, but because she prefers to be called Sandy and I really want to stick it to her sometimes.

Sandra has many annoying aspects to her personality. I could start a whole separate blog and dedicate it to her. But I’m not going to do that. I’m in the middle of stuff, too, you know. I don’t have all the time in the world to blog about Sandra. But right now, I will. Right now I will tell you how irksome it is that she wants to THROW OUT any and all books whose subject matter she doesn’t agree with. Consider this lengthy list:

• S-E-X, or as she calls them, “Naughty Books.” Before I was hired she kept all the “Naughty Books” (kama sutra, helpful sex tips, how to make your own sex toys, etc) in the store-room. Then our actual boss, who only calls in every once in a while (kinda like Charlie’s Angels), made her put them out. So she piled them on the floor…in front of the Emergency Fire Exit. Obviously, the Fire Inspector took issue with this. I was assigned to designate a special area for them..because heaven forbid she had to touch them herself.
• Wicca. We came across a singular Wiccan book with some common “spells” in it, for good energy and whatnot. Pseudo-boss Sandra ordered me to throw it out. I thought she was joking. She was not.
• More Wicca. When digging through the pile of “Naughty Books,” I found a stack of books entitled Witches. It chronicles the perception of witches through the ages, from old, ugly hags to the beautiful women of white magic. Illustrated. Informative. I bought one for research for a future series. Pseudo-boss Sandra was astonished. I wouldn’t be surprised if she crosses herself behind my back now.
• Anything about Gay People. I found a few copies of an award-winning anthology of gay fiction short stories shoved behind the “Naughty Books.” They were not erotic in any way, but because she disagrees with homosexuality, they received the naughty treatment. For Shame! (I put them on the bookshelf with the rest of the fiction.)
• Gag Gifts. We have a rather large gift table full of things like post cards, journals, tiny books with cute pictures of wet cats and dogs doing yoga, etc. Every now and again we receive some weird gag gifts. For example, a tin labeled “How to Lose Your Virginity.” Inside are funny cards of geeky things to stop doing so one day you’ll get laid. With each arrival of such items, I have to persuade her to put them out. Begging, pleading, and sighing are involved with every exchange.
• Nudity of any kind, no matter how tasteful. We received Fifty Years of Playboy, a beautiful book cataloguing the most famous centerfolds. Only one topless photo. She wanted to put it in the mother-fricking “Naughty Books” section. For the love of god, woman! It goes in the entertainment section! I’ve had to rescue the poor tome several times now. There was also a photography book that came in, Fed-Ex’ed to us from the Charlie’s Angels voice. Obviously he wanted it to be included in the inventory. While the famous Brooklyn photographer (who owns a gallery in NYC) takes beautiful portraits, some of them were rather risqué. She shoved it behind a bookshelf. Actually BEHIND a bookshelf. (I put it out on the counter. New Yorkers unite!)

I’m sure I could think of a few more examples (Graphic Novels comes to mind right now as I start to wrap this up), but there’s no time. I have to get back to writing. I’m so close to finishing!

Also, don’t forget to enter the contest to win a FREE tote bag! The offer expires December 16th and there’s all sorts of other prizes. Good luck!