Jerks & Irks XVI: Fifty Shades of Please Go Away


Okay, let me preface this by saying this is not a Fifty Shades of Grey bashing session. It could be. I enjoy bashing it, but I’ll refrain. Mostly because Vikki’s recent post at The View Outside made the good point that at least people are reading again, even if it is crap. I added that last part. Not Vikki. She’s nicer than me.

So, what is this post really about? It’s about how I finally have tentative release dates for both my prequel and my novel, and I even found a great way to describe the plot, but all people ask me when I say I’m going to self-publish is “Oh, like the chick who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey! Is your book like that?”

Umm, no. You ingrate.

Ok, maybe I don’t call them ingrates because I don’t want to scare off readership before I even get going, but still. Why can’t they say “Oh, like Amanda Hocking?” or “Oh, like John Locke? But not the one from LOST?” No, I get Fifty Shades of Grey. And you know what else I get? I get people who assume that I’m self-publishing because my story is full of raucous sex crap with red rooms overflowing with butt plugs since that’s what Fifty Shades is known for. I’m no prude, but I’m debating whether or not to even include a sex scene in my novel. Long story short, no comparison. So, please go away. You ingrates. Er, I mean, you people who are finally reading again. Proud of you! *playfully pokes people repeatedly in their stomachs*

There’s a youtube video called Stuff Non-Writers Say and everyone keeps asking the writer if her book is like Twilight. At this point, I’d rather explain why there aren’t any sparkly vampires in my novel than answer any more insulting Fifty Shades of Grey inquiries from ingrates.