Jerks & Irks LVI: 7 Things I Hate About The Holidays

I’ll be honest. I have deep-seeded, therapy-requiring reasons for hating the holidays. Still, there are things that don’t help. Here are just a few I could think of off the top of my head.

  1. Any commercial featuring a sleek sedan adorned with a giant red bow. I’m looking at you Lexus. Let’s just say 0.0002% of the US population actually receives a shiny new Lexus as a Christmas present – that’s the percentage of those commercials I want to see. Of all the TV I watch, of all the commercials I see, only 0.0002% of them should be “luxury cars make great Christmas presents” commercials.
  2. Ugly-Sweater-Themed Everything. Parties. Casual Fridays at work. Doggie play dates. Holiday television commercials. It’s even bled into social media. And for the love of everything sacred and holy, there’s even an Ugly Sweater Run. As in, a marathon where the runners don ugly Christmas sweaters. I can’t.
  3. My favorite TV shows having to revolve around Christmas just because. I get that sitcoms have to do this, but does last week’s CSI really have to include Santa Claus AND a reindeer? Does it? DOES IT?!?
  4. Glitter. Glitter on the ornaments. Glitter on the decorations. Glitter on the Christmas cards. Glitter on the clothes your relatives wear to dinner. Stop the madness! As my hubby-pants always likes to say, “Glitter is the herpes of the arts and crafts world!”
  5. Happy Holidays vs. Merry Christmas. Just be happy someone is being polite and offering you a sentiment, regardless of whether or not it is technically appropriate. On the other hand, don’t go around saying “Merry Christmas” to people hoping you offend someone. That doesn’t seem very jolly to me either.
  6. Don’t Take the “Christ” of Christmas with X-mas. This one irks me every year because I’m a big fan of educating yourself before you take a firm position on something and almost no one seems to do that anymore. The “X” in X-mas is actually derived from the Greek letter Chi, which is short for the Greek word for Christ, and has been used as shorthand for Christ by religious scholars and scribes for, I dunno, EVER. I don’t even enter this argument anymore. I don’t have the energy. Can you pass the wine?
  7. Talking about my writing at holiday dinners. This is a fairly new one for me. At Thanksgiving a few weeks ago, I had what I thought was awesome news. I’ve been invited to write a short story for an anthology being put together by Joel Mark Harris. He’s an author/screenwriter; the film adaptation of his novel Neutral Territory won 7 awards and 15 nominations at over 20 film festivals worldwide. Perhaps I mumbled this information. Perhaps I didn’t say it with confidence. Perhaps I wasn’t clear about the opportunity. But the question I was met with was, “And what will you be doing?” And I wanted to crawl under the table. I have more good news for Christmas dinner. Locked and loaded. But I hope there’s room under the table after I yell, “Fire in the hole!” and deliver it, once again, to a table full of people who don’t seem to understand me at all.

What do you hate about the holidays? Do you love the holidays? Care to convert me? You’re welcome to try! Leave a comment!

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30 thoughts on “Jerks & Irks LVI: 7 Things I Hate About The Holidays

  1. I’m with you on the glittery cards. Ugh. Every time I fill one out there’s glitter all over my counter. I am guilty of the Xmas thing though. Mostly for Twitter when I’m trying to spare characters. 🙂

  2. I don’t like all the hype. My two main gripes are: I don’t need a new sofa for Christmas; and there is no ‘party season’ in my life. On the other hand, we don’t often get the chance to spread and little peace and joy. You’re fighting a losing battle, I’m afraid. Surrender – and raise a glass!

    • NO ONE NEEDS A NEW SOFA FOR CHRISTMAS!

      It is a losing battle, isn’t it? ~Le sigh~ But you’re right. I do get to spread a little peace and joy when I make my famous Christmas dinner. I’m one hell of a cook, so at least I have that going for me…;-)

  3. I personally love glitter, but that’s neither here nor there. The one thing I really get tired of beyond everything suddenly being surrounded by Christmas or worse Christmas music being played as early as like before Thanksgiving, is that all my favorite shows suddenly go on vacation for a week or two like… you didn’t film it live, why is that even necessary? As for Christmas vs. Xmas, I mean, most of the traditions of Christmas that we celebrate were derived from Pagan holidays (much like Easter), every holiday is just a clusterfuck of semi religious practices and commercialism which I’m all for shopping but I do agree with you, the amount of Lexus or other expensive car commercials this time of year has gotten out of hand. Oh well. That really sucks that your news didn’t go over as well as you thought. I’m excited for you, for what it’s worth. 🙂

    • Why am I not surprised that you love glitter….As for the shows? RIGHT? I know they used to do it because viewership would drop as people traveled and went to holiday parties and spent time Christmas shopping and whatnot, but with the invention of DVRs, which are in over 60% of households nowadays, I don’t see what that’s still necessary. Not to mention online streaming. You missed Big Bang Theory while at your office’s stupid ugly sweater/glitter orgy party? No problem. It’s on your DVR or you can stream some freaking where. Stow your belly-aching!

      Thanks for being excited about my news! XOXO

      (And you’re right about all the Christian holidays being a mash-up of already existing, usually Pagan holidays. It was the easiest way for them to gain converts. I took a fascinating religion course as an undergrad. Best four credits I earned that year. Haha.)

  4. I recently had to send out 1,500 holiday cards for work and no that is not a typo i wish it was. I literally have glitter covering every inch of my workspace! Now I’m all for sparkly stuff, I in fact love glitter, but in this day and age you would think that they would figure out a way to I don’t know get the glitter to actually stay on the card!! I will be coming home with glitter on me from now until the end of times!

  5. Thank you for making the point about the X in Xmas so that I DON’T HAVE TO THIS YEAR. Because my friends and family are really getting sick of that speech from me.

    On the dark side, I confess to sweater guilt. If you’re working in an office and business that has lots of Xmas parties, after a while, you have to just give in and buy the damn sweater. Mostly because everyone else thinks you’re a Scrooge if you don’t.

    • Yay, a fellow warrior in the education of the masses! I was at the grocery store today and there was a magnet on someone’s car that read, “Put the Christ back in Christmas! Down with X-Mas!” If it wasn’t so crappy outside, with the sleet and frigid wind, I would’ve waited for them in the parking lot.

      (I see what you’re saying about just giving in to the sweaters eventually. Luckily I don’t work in an office at the moment. Bwahahahaha!)

  6. I like this because I’m ridiculous with things I’ve read in the past, meaning, I forgot about x-mas meaning – so I love that I re-learned something. No, really, I did read that once before. I’m not just trying to pretend I know stuff. (tee-hee!)

    But umm, I do wanna convert you. Not on Thanksgiving. But definitely on Christmas. ❤

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