We have lived here for about four years, give or take. I’m not good with milestones. Our neighbor a few houses down, on the corner, has been remodeling his godforsaken house ever since and probably even before. Probably since the dawn of time. I bet he’s some kind of immortal, cursed with OCD and an imperfect home.
First he started with his fancy-ass fence…
He has a nice spot of land and decided the fence that encircled it wasn’t good enough. So he emptied the local Home Depot or Lowes of all its planks of wood and seemed to tirelessly cut out the outlines of every single one with his whining-ass table saw or whatever people use to cut semi-intricate lines in planks of wood all day long to annoy their neighbors who just want to sleep in on weekends.
Then he built his kids or grandkids a play area. Lots of hammering for that one, if I remember correctly. More early morning awakenings on weekends, pulling apart the blades on the venetian blinds and glaring in the direction of his house like he could see me, like it made a difference.
For years he’s worked on a number of projects that make a lot of noise. Hammering. Sawing. Whirring. Clunking. Clamoring. Jack-hammering. Right now, he’s jack-hammering. Seriously, as I type this. Hubby-pants and I think he’s having his house painted (there’s a contractor’s sign out in front of his house), but why, oh why, does that require jack-hammering??? I’d ask him, but it wouldn’t be a friendly conversation.
Since I’ve been home writing full-time (just under a year now), this neighbor has become the bane of my existence. I wanted to egg his fancy-ass fence on Halloween. I want to shoot at his pets with my crossbow. I want to sneak over there and cut the cords on all his power tools. And right now, I want to stop typing this and I just want to walk over there and give him a piece of my mind because I’m supposed to be working on the final draft of Blood in the Paint (Which goes to the editor next month! Did you see the release date on the right!) instead of complaining about his stupid jerk-ass on my blog! Ughh!
(But at least I have a neighborhood to complain about, I guess. The people in the Philippines and, most recently, in the Midwest, aren’t so lucky. Here’s an AmeriCares link if you’re feeling generous.)