Jerks & Irks XVI: Fifty Shades of Please Go Away


Okay, let me preface this by saying this is not a Fifty Shades of Grey bashing session. It could be. I enjoy bashing it, but I’ll refrain. Mostly because Vikki’s recent post at The View Outside made the good point that at least people are reading again, even if it is crap. I added that last part. Not Vikki. She’s nicer than me.

So, what is this post really about? It’s about how I finally have tentative release dates for both my prequel and my novel, and I even found a great way to describe the plot, but all people ask me when I say I’m going to self-publish is “Oh, like the chick who wrote Fifty Shades of Grey! Is your book like that?”

Umm, no. You ingrate.

Ok, maybe I don’t call them ingrates because I don’t want to scare off readership before I even get going, but still. Why can’t they say “Oh, like Amanda Hocking?” or “Oh, like John Locke? But not the one from LOST?” No, I get Fifty Shades of Grey. And you know what else I get? I get people who assume that I’m self-publishing because my story is full of raucous sex crap with red rooms overflowing with butt plugs since that’s what Fifty Shades is known for. I’m no prude, but I’m debating whether or not to even include a sex scene in my novel. Long story short, no comparison. So, please go away. You ingrates. Er, I mean, you people who are finally reading again. Proud of you! *playfully pokes people repeatedly in their stomachs*

There’s a youtube video called Stuff Non-Writers Say and everyone keeps asking the writer if her book is like Twilight. At this point, I’d rather explain why there aren’t any sparkly vampires in my novel than answer any more insulting Fifty Shades of Grey inquiries from ingrates.

25 thoughts on “Jerks & Irks XVI: Fifty Shades of Please Go Away

  1. I don’t want to read Fifty Shades of Anything. Loved the stuff non-writers say. As for bashing, I’d like to see you do for Fifty Shades what did for Twights.

    • Omg, I never heard of that before! I just went to the site and it’s hysterical! Thanks for that!

      Maybe I will do something like that. Although the last time I posted something on facebook to the tune of excerpts and comments, someone called me pretentious…

  2. Sometimes I just don’t understand why people have to try to relate everything that we do to another author. Unfortunately, most people’s frame of reference for self publishing comes from E. L. James because she rose from the obscurity of publish by demand in Europe to an over night sensation here in the states. To me, she’s the oversexed version of Nicholas Sparks, an author who I cannot stand with any fiber of my being.

    This made me think about who I would be related to when my book comes out. Whether I self publish or go the traditional route, I really hope my book is not compared to other YA dystopians out there. My main character is 20, America falls apart, but it’s not the end of the US as we know it, but I can still see people look at it this way. I’m not quite sure of my genre, but I already cringe thinking about comments like the one you discussed.

    Maybe when your book comes out people will start defining the genre based on books like yours, instead of butt plugs.

    • It just really bothers me because I learned about Amanda Hocking and John Locke waaaayyy before I heard about Fifty Shades. But I guess you have to be an avid reader to know about those authors because Fifty Shades is splashed all over the place because of it’s content. And I don’t get it. Sadomasochism isn’t sexy folks.

      • I don’t get it either. My friends have read it and said they can’t put it down. I usually have to be convinced to read something that’s all over the media like that. I think you’re right, you do have to be an avid reader to know who some of these writers are. I guess reading books like 50 shades is more about the pop culture than the content. Everybody’s doing it, so why not? It still bugs me though.

        At the same time, I’m sure EL James never expected this to happen. I mean, it was Twilight fan fiction at first and now an international best seller with a movie deal? That’s insane.

      • I don’t have to convinced, as I like to at least be conversant about mainstream stuff. I downloaded a sample of Fifty Shades and couldn’t even get through that. And what really bugs me is there’s going to be a movie. Seriously? After you dumb down the sex scenes for the big screen, all you’re left with is bad dialogue and homegirl’s inner freaking goddess.

        A small part of me is happy for EL James. But the majority of me is sinfully envious. Haha.

  3. Ha ha ha, I love it that you think I’m nice…..really? I can be a right bitch you know 😉

    Actually, nah, you’re right, I can’t lol 😉

    Well, you know I’ll be downloading it the second it becomes available don’t you 😉


  4. It’s sad when normal, sensible folk who don’t appreciate oppressive and stupid sex tropes have to preface their entirely valid criticisms with “I’m not a prude, but…”

    Raunch culture is deeply misogynist. It covers itself by perpetrating a false dichotomy where the only choices are kink or being a “vanilla” “prude”. Point out all the ways it perpetrates stereotypes about women, and it will cast you as some uptight, Bible-thumping no-funster. “Kink” is nothing new, just the same old patriarchy.

    I wonder if the “at least they’re reading” argument has any merit, though. That’s like excusing malignant melanoma with: “At least I went outside!”

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