Jerks & Irks IX: Tweet Creeps

How many of you are on Twitter?

*Surveys crowd raising their collective hands.*

Ok, how many of you are constantly annoyed by other people’s tweets?

*Notices no hands have gone down.*

This little guys keeps annoying stuff in his diary, as should you.


Now, I’m excited to be going on a couple of weeks straight without a suspension, but sometimes I wonder why in the fiery red heck I was so depressed to be without Twitter when these are the things that annoy me on an hourly basis (Yes, I check Twitter that often):

1. Spam-a-lot Spambots: Go away, all of you! I don’t want to work from home and earn $8.2 zillion dollars a minute, I don’t want to buy your special tupperware, and I don’t want to be a beta reader for your imaginary “publising” company. That’s right, I got a spammerific offer to be a beta reader for Ristrict Publishing. If you google them, they don’t even have a website. They have a Twitter account (where they talk about their budding “publising” company in their profile), a Facebook page, and a youtube book trailer for something called Thuggin In Miami or something. Alrighty then…

2. Inspirational Quotes…on Repeat: I hate when I see a good quote, such as “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them” (Walt Disney), and then I see it again, and again, and again…by the same PERSON! It comes across as a fake attempt to seem “real.”

3. Teaser Tweets for books: Normally I love these and I have even purchased a few books based on an intriguing sentence the author has posted on Twitter. But I hate the ones that post mundane sentences like “Betty had a hankering for pancakes but knew she was out of Nutella.” That is not a compelling sentence, people. Not in ANY genre. Sorry.

4. High & Mighty Hashtags: I #hate #tweets that #looklike this for #no #reason and it #makesmewantto #start a #hashtag #topic called #Ihopeyourshoebecomesuntiedandyoufalldownthestairs.

5. Killing me with Klout: Why, oh why, do some people log onto Klout and give a measley little Klout point to 839 of their closest friends and associates? It clogs up the twitter feed like chicken guts poured down the drain of a kitchen sink. Stop it! (Unless you want to give ME Klout. My score is only like a 23 or something.)

“Stop annoying each other or we’ll banish you to MySpace!”

So there you have it. My love/hate relationship with Twitter. I can’t live with it, but when they suspend me, I whine a lot. (Feel free to follow me though, I don’t do any of those things I listed above.)

What do you hate about Twitter?

27 thoughts on “Jerks & Irks IX: Tweet Creeps

  1. I hate that you can’t tell when someone replies to your tweet if you don’t log in using a cell phone. I’ve been late to the party plenty of times because I don’t check my email fast enough. I can’t stand the spamming either.

    But other than that, I enjoy twitter. I still don’t know how people are finding me, but whatever. They can follow me–doesn’t mean I’ll buy their book LOL.

    Keep smiling,

  2. I thought I was the only one getting annoyed by twitter. Half the tweets I see are almost unreadable because of endless amounts of hash tags. I notice that a lot of authors continuously post lines from their novel or reviews for their novel, rather than tweeting their own thoughts. I viewed twitter as a place to connect and somewhat, get to know other authors. I didn’t realize it was a place where people continuously plug their own work, without every posting anything of substance.

      • Two times is not bad at all. Some people do it constantly, it makes me want to stop following them. I can’t imagine what people who read their books think.

  3. I’m on Twitter, and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. Cryptography has never been one of my strong points, but I do get links to some neat articles.

  4. Ugh is there a love button for your hilarity! I would SOOO retweet #Ihopeyourshoegetsunitedandyoufalldownthestairs. ROTFL. So glad your back on Twitter though.

  5. I love reading these. They’re hilarious. Especially the “pancakes & nutella.” That book just makes me want to sit in my rocking chair and not get up all night!

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