Jerks & Irks VII: Stick to whatcha know

Its rainy and damp outside. I’m still in bed, Kindle Fire in hand, and I’ve found a book cover/title that caught my eye. I click on it. It meets my criteria for length (I hate it when a book doesn’t tell you its a novella or a short story and I get bamboozled into paying $2.99 for 87 pages, which only technically translates into 2.2 hours of actual reading time). I peruse the reviews, they’re glowing for the most part. Except one. One freaking JERK out of 152 reviewers has decided that this particular book isn’t worth four shiny stars on Amazon. I click on this one review against my better judgement: its not like this one JERK is actually a literary genius and knows something about reading that the rest of us mere morons do not. But alas, after reading the acerbic little diatribe, this JERK just simply doesn’t like and/or usually doesn”t read the genre this book falls under. Ugh! I can’t explain how often this happens.


JERK REVIEWER A: “I’m a super manly man. I didn’t understand why “The Glitter Pony,” a YA paranormal romance, didn’t have more gunplay and car chases and international intrigue. What a waste. This book sucks.”

JERK REVIEWER B: “Seeing a commercial for The Walking Dead gives me nightmares but I decided to read “Zombie Lore and Gore” anyway. Boy, was this book terrible! What was the author thinking with all that bloody and disgusting imagery? Ugh, no thank you!”

You know what all this reminds me of? My brief bartending stint at a New Orleans themed restaurant in Philly. People would order Sazeracs because they had heard of them somewhere in their lives and were trying to be cool. They ignored the fact that the drink includes whiskey and a licorice-flavored liquor, then they would snootily push the drink back over the bar towards me because they didn’t like it. They blamed ME! They would whisper to themselves that if they had ordered the drink in New Orleans it would taste better. Despite the fact that I was trained how to make it by a person who was FROM NEW ORLEANS for crying out Mardi Gras!!! Agghh!

But I digress…The point is, feel free to leave your comfort zone, but don’t blame the new zone for its entire existence just because it’s not to your liking. You big, stupid, IRKSOME JERK.

Disclaimer: To the best of my knowledge, the above examples are not excerpts of actual reviews and the sentiments expressed are not in reference to actual book titles. Please don’t sue me. I have nothing. Except a facebook and a twitter. Feel free to hit the “Like” and “Follow” buttons.

16 thoughts on “Jerks & Irks VII: Stick to whatcha know

  1. I just hate it when people do that! Like when my friends hate on books I like because they “DOEN’T LIEK MAJIK” or something. Seriously, some people just need to learn how to shut up…

    P.S. I think this is my favorite blog ever. You’re an amazing person. Rock on.

    • People always hate on my kind of books because the pace is too fast and there isn’t enough kissy, kissy. Or you have to suspend belief to enjoy a young girl who can become invisible on cue. Ugh, so annoying.

      And your comment about my blog being your favorite and me rocking out with my amazing self didn’t make me emotional. There was something in my eye. ; )

  2. Lol! I’m glad to know that I’m not the only person who gets frustrated when I read reviews like your examples! One other thing that I can’t stand to see from people who give reviews (good or bad) – is VERY poor grammar! I can overlook a mispelled word or misplaced comma here or there, but when every other word is spelled wrong, it makes it hard for me to take the reviewer seriously!

    Great post!

  3. I hit LIKE on this post because you don’t have a LOVE button. Since blogging about it, I’ve been routinely evaluating one-star reviews and hitting the unhelpful button on Amazon as necessary (and it often is) and a couple of times the REPORT ABUSE button, too.

  4. I’ve noticed there are a few Amazon reviewers who consistently give books 1 star. So now, if I see a 1 star review and I think it’s unfair I hit the ‘unhelpful’ button.

    It really annoys me that Amazon don’t seem to do anything about it (or so I’ve been told by authors who have tried to have reviews removed).


    • Yeah, I usually read reviews from my kindle and there’s no unhelpful button. I’m going to make it a point to check the other reviews when I post mine to amazon so I can try to use it. Although people are indiscriminate with that too (one of my own reviews was tagged as unhelpful! The nerve!).

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