“Jerks & Irks” III: No Need to Buy Your Book Now, Thanks

So let us recap: The first Jerks & Irks was about Coming of Age novels and last week’s edition touched on stupidly short book descriptions coupled with an over-abundance of quotes of praise for the author. (These recaps are gonna get lengthy after awhile, huh? Hmm…)

This week’s rant was inspired by fellow blogger karmicangel, over at a Portia Adams Adventure (click either link, they both whisk you away to her fantabulousness), who commented that she wished there were a happy medium to what I was describing and the long-winded-leave nothing-to-the-imagination descriptions that look something like this:

“Susan met a guy named Brian at a bookstore in Connecticut when they both reached for the same copy of ‘Pride and Prejudice.’ They hit it off and got married after a brief courtship. But he was hiding a deadly secret. Don’t worry (*Oh I wasn’t worried, I was just gonna read the book*), the secret was that he was on the lam from killing his previous wife (*Not a secret anymore*). Her name was Jessica. She was from Wisconsin, but he killed her in Kansas during a tornado. At first it looked like an accident, but eventually the police figured it out and came looking for Brian. Will the police catch up with Brian and will Susan find out about his dark past? (*Gasp*) Well, yes and no. (*Oh goodie, I was afraid I was going to have to read the book*) The police eventually find out that Brian is now in Connecticut, but to everyone’s surprise (*except mine because I read this desription*), Susan stands up for her new husband and they concoct a daring plan to evade the police and live happily ever after in a non-extradition country. (*I was wondering how it ends, but thank you. Now I have nothing to look forward to*)”

A bit much, but you get my drift. So here’s to the jerks who write descriptions like these and wonder why their books sales are abysmal. Cheers Jerks!!!


15 thoughts on ““Jerks & Irks” III: No Need to Buy Your Book Now, Thanks

    • No, I made it up to prove a point and not call anyone out or get sued. Lol. But yes, they are def the kind of people who give away movie endings and tell you about the season finale of TrueBlood before you’ve had a chance to watch it on dvr.

  1. What really pisses me off more than anything is the book synopsis that describes something entirely different than what the book is really about. It’s like false advertising. I just skip over all the fluff at on the inside cover anyway. However, I would sure love to get some of those blurbs when my book comes out!

    • Exactly!

      That is ac tually a dumbed down version of one of my archived ideas for another novel, but I left out a significant twist because, even if I write it a decade from now, I still want people to read it without knowing the ending, haha.

  2. Good suggestions! Thank you for sharing and liking my posts too! I guess you’ll limke a suggestion of mine too, I usually post it at every blog/site I like: Do you use sites like zazzle.com, cafepress. com, fiverr? They could be a good way to promote your works and to help “remove” stupidity in the streets like headlines on t-shirts, fridge-magnets, cups, etc: My Boyfriend kisses Better Than Yours, FBI – female body inspector, etc. Not everything we see and think of should be about sex, right? It would be much better if there were more nice pictures of mythical creatures, good thoughts, poems from fantasy genre, etc? I’m allanbard there, I use some of my illustrations, thoughts, poems from my books (like: One can fight money only with money, Even in the hottest fire there’s a bit of water, All the problems in the world lead to one – narrow-minded people, or
    Love and happiness will be around,
    as all the chains will disappear,
    and Mountaineers will climb their mount
    and there won’t be any tear!
    etc). Best wishes! Keep up the good work! Let the wonderful noise of the sea always sounds in your ears! (a greeting of the water dragons’ hunters – my Tale Of The Rock Pieces).

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