Read it again, it doesn’t say “Murder My Mother-in-Law.” And if you read it as “Murder Your Mother-in-Law,” you have some family issues to work out. But on the bright side, you might be able to use the never-before-seen affirmative defense of “the Blogger made me do it!”
Contrary to the popular opinion of mother-in-laws, my Mother-in-Law is awesome sauce personified . She’s caring, cute, and small. And she is the Dean of the School of Nursing at a local hospital and is also receiving her doctorate next month. She kicks major medical ass. And she’s so small. So naturally when I needed to know how to kill a character who was laid up in the hospital, she was just the person to turn to. I was nervous at first, but eventually I asked her over drinks (smart, right?) the night of my husband’s birthday. She was surprisingly candid about it. What I learned:
- My character would most likely be on a ventilator, not just in a coma, due to the previous attack on his life. That’s helpful information. Thanks succinyl choline for completely paralyzing his lungs. I can work with that.
- Poking a pinhole in the tubing of said ventilator system won’t do much. The air is pressurized enough that it would just laughingly mock the pinhole on its way into my character’s lungs.
- Injecting an air bubble into my character’s bloodstream might not be sufficient. My darling Mother-in-Law told us a story about how they used to kill animals for dissection (or something like that, I was drinking) and sometimes it would take up to a gallon of air to kill the poor animal. Ouch.
- Potassium Chloride would end it all. It wouldn’t be traceable. Its readily available in the hospital. It would be the perfect complement to the aforementioned succinyl choline, like peanut butter and jelly. Sounds like a winner right? But…I had an idea in the shower! (No I’m not gonna tell you yet!)
*Disclaimer for Homeland Security or other government bodies, I really am discussing the fictional murder of a literary character. Please don’t come to my house. It’s messy.
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