I know what you’re thinking: that this post refers to the unseasonably warm weather and one’s natural inclination to break out their teeniest shorts. But no. This post refers to a guy… at my gym…a tall guy, with… very… short… shorts. He’s an older gentleman with silver hair, and pale, hairy limbs. He’s always there. Wearing the same sleeveless, white shirt and the same barely-there, blue shorts. The first time I saw him he was doing squats across from the mat where I was doing crunches. I have no idea if he’s a fishning man or not, but every time I came up to the height of my crunch, I saw his, ahem, ‘tackle box.’ And this is how I always come in contact with him. Squatting, straddling, crouching, tackle box on full display…And the best part is that as far as I can tell, he’s not doing it on purpose. In fact, he seems completely unaware! You wanna know something else he’s completely unaware of? I just added him to Chapter 7. As a literary extra. Because I like to amuse myself.
Anyway, here’s a an excerpt from Chapter 3, describing Officer Jason Brighthouse (who you met in the summary of Chapter 3 when you read the post before last. You did read the post before last, right? If not, quick, go read all the posts! Go!)
“Brighthouse’s voice was boyish and playful, just like his appearance. Even though he was 6’3” and well built, his big, green eyes housed an infinite innocence. In addition, his light brown curls framed his clean-shaven face, giving him a young, fresh, frat-boy look. Ever the optimist in hoping they had drawn a killer case (pun definitely intended), he always assumed there was foul play. There could be some poor soul, hanging from a rope, suicide note taped to their forehead, and Brighthouse would still want to investigate “all possible avenues.” Only on the force eighteen months, he still acted pretty green. All he ever wanted to do was investigate. For this reason, his colleagues teased him, calling him Officer “Lighthouse,” since he was always searching for a hint of light among the darkness. He was dis-illusioned to the point of de-lusion and it frustrated the hell out of his partner.”